Final Fantasy XIV: The Adventures of Wren — Adventure Log

Before starting this admittedly very dumb article (I’m sorry), I have an unfortunate announcement. Over the course of the next month, I will be moving and beginning graduate school. Pretty good news, right? Well, as a result of this change, I’ve been very busy and haven’t had much time to play Final Fantasy XIV. Over the course of almost two weeks since starting Shadowbringers, I’ve only reached the level 72 quests. It’s safe to say my original goal of testing the limits of the free trial isn’t possible anymore. So, the Adventure Log is more or less canceled at the moment. Unfortunately, that’s not the only issue. The two-year anniversary of the Mjolnerd is coming up. This means, behind the scenes, the due date for my hosting fees is coming up, too — at literally the worst possible time. I think it’s highly unlikely I’ll be able to afford those fees in addition to everything else. So, I will have to shut down the website this upcoming September. I know there aren’t a whole lot of people who look forward to my articles, and it’s entirely possible the views I do get are just bots trolling for a website to break into. But, if there is anyone who does legitimately enjoy reading this, I am very sorry to disappoint you.

With that said, I do have a plan. Once things settle down, I will check out some blogging websites that allow free accounts. It’ll have a dumb, overlong domain name and probably be filled with crappy ads. But, it’s better than nothing. If and when I do that, the first article I post will be the Shadowbringers Experience Points. I will definitely post that link on the Facebook page, too. That way, there shouldn’t be any issues finding it. Obviously, I could end up totally swamped with work and unable to post at all. But, I hope that I can continue writing these overly thoughtful, ridiculously paced, and mostly mediocre articles that you readers (and bots) have come to expect from me.

I sincerely thank everyone who has taken the time to read what I’ve written already, and I especially want to acknowledge the people who have contacted me in the past to let me know what they think. Whether or not you had anything positive to say, I’m just happy that you were here. Thank you very much.

I suppose you want to know what this dumb article is, right? Well, surprise! It’s not an article. I have organized several screenshots chronicling mine and Wren’s journey throughout Hydaelyn (again), leading up to the moments just before Shadowbringers begins. It’s meant mostly to be a little, fun gag showcasing everything I’ve done in the game so far. I’m not taking it seriously, and I hope you won’t either. But, I do hope that you will have fun looking/reading! As an aside, I’m not explicitly explaining situations that happen in the game, so the spoilers will be light. But, there are inherently spoilers here. Just so you know, anyway.

It’s cool that they added Viera to the game, but their starting outfit is nuts. It’s like they knew the type of people who would play this race.
Wren; Probably a Scholar.
You’d think starting in the pirate-themed area would mean hanging out with pirates. But, no. It’s actually just dealing with a lot of workplace-related accidents until Y’shtola here asks if you want to go mess up a rock guy with her.
Tataru will be a monster one day. Mark my words.
I doubt this random NPC who has a unique model will ever come into play again.
Boy. This fight was really cool. I can’t wait to see the next big set piece. *Nothing happens for 20 levels*
This massive asshole contributes multiple quests to one of the worsts parts of the entire game. I just want to acknowledge that he sucks. A lot.
I just spent 10 hours planning the worst party, and Y’shtola’s just sitting here wondering what’s taking so long.
Oh. And everyone who didn’t matter died.
Gah! I should have known. That random NPC was Cid the whole time.
Thankfully, the coolest guy ever comes to save the day. Nothing bad will ever happen to him. (Couldn’t take a screenshot through all of the tears: Something bad did happen to him)
This oddly confusing building. That’s it.
I don’t know, man. I’m just distracted by your horribly baffling name.
From left to right: Cid’s college roommate, totally not a retcon, the most difficult boss in the game, and.. uh, what was your name again?
When you see this screen, you know it’s about to go down.
This is genuinely the coolest attack in the game. Ultima Weapon causes airships to crash down on you just because.
I’m glad I got to meet this glorious gentleman after reaching the Seventh Astral Era, but…
Why is the rest of this so terrible?!
Sadness: The only stage of grief in the Seventh Astral Era.
Everyone always says this funeral is a powerful moment. But, you met this character like.. two or three quests ago. Also, they make you run to this out of the way gravestone twice in a row.
It was at this point that I realized books were lame, and the only way forward was to literally become Edgar. Anything with a Final Fantasy VI reference is automatically the best, after all.
Commence the collect-a-thon!
Heavensward: A Romantic Comedy
Oh, so that’s where you ended up!
My favorite primal fight in the game: The one where you don’t actually fight a primal.
Alright. Made it to Idyllshire. Time to get Shire armor and wear it throughout the entirety of Stormblood. (Note: Don’t do this. It’s a dick move).
What’s Matoya doing here? This better not be some kind of isekai.
Ascian Prime: A much better final boss than Gaius.
That’s right folks! Heavensward isn’t just a romantic comedy. It’s actually a hidden Final Fantasy VII reference!
I helped a goblin find the perfect fishing spot. I mean, that’s it.
We probably don’t need to talk about this dungeon. Brrr.
The most useless character in Dragonsong War.
Raubahn takes a novelty-sized drill to the gut and just keeps walking. What a guy.
This is probably the best boss fight in the story line (so far).
We survive this.
This kind-of-cute-but-awkward dinner between two budding friends becomes a lot more awkward when you play as a woman.
Oh hey. A reveal that probably makes more sense if you played 1.0. Yeah. Let me get on that. (Note: Also, I apparently just forgot to take screenshots of the Warriors of Darkness. So, that was a thing)
The fights against Zenos throughout Stormblood are genuinely fantastic character building moments for the Warrior of Light. When you ultimately take him down, you actually feel like it was a tremendous feat because of them.
A Final Fantasy V reference? Well, okay. But, you need to let Blue Mage level up past 50 if you want it to be more effective.
Collect-a-thon 2: Now the aether currents are in slightly harder to reach places!
It takes a true madman to design an enemy as terrifying as this.
It blows me away that Shisui isn’t part of the main questline. This is such a great setting for a dungeon, and you can totally miss it.
Also, it has the best status ailment: Old.
Gosh, game. Tell me what you really think…
I suppose I can’t blame Hien. If I were going to hide out, I’d want to stay in Azim Steppe, too.
Woa- Wha- Okay. You do that.
That time I became the literal ruler of the dragon people just by beating a few of them up.
Tataru’s journey from underpaid receptionist to town drunk to potentially shady businesswoman is truly awe-inspiring. I knew she’d become a monster.
Man. The game is really laying it on thick with the insults right now..
Boy. What a hard boss. I sure hope I don’t have to fight her again with a lesser known Scion partner in the future.
Ah. Here we go. Now this is a Final Fantasy-ass Final Fantasy boss.
This is actually one of the most powerful scenes in all of Final Fantasy XIV, and resulted in Lyse becoming one of my favorite Final Fantasy characters. Too bad she’s not a cat girl like Y’shtola, or other people would agree with me.
This is the moment I realized that Final Fantasy XIV really needs a single player version. There are so many great characters and so few opportunities to actually fight alongside them.
Gosh. Ending Stormblood on a Final Fantasy VII reference again, Square Enix? How unoriginal. Guffaw.
This awesome dragon fight is worth the 100+ hours it takes to get to this point. Great music, great mechanics, great everything.
Every time Estinien shows up in the main story, I genuinely feel bad that I’ve never leveled up a Dragoon far enough to see what’s actually going on with him. He always seems like he just got done doing something awesome.
Oh. I guess the writers picked Game of Thrones back up. I’m sorry about that.
But, I got to mess with some cats for a while. So, all and all, Stormblood is alright with me.
I’m a ghost, Lawrence. What are you?
I can’t take you seriously when you’re wearing clothes, Godbert.
Damn it. I knew this would happen.
Gosh, Asahi. More like Asshole.
What the hell? Is everyone an asshole in your family?
Even the one who was kind of okay is an asshole now! What’s going on here?!
And now she’s a primal. I hate this family, man.
They even made Gosetsu shave his head.
So, like. Is Final Fantasy XIV part of the Ivalice Alliance now? Also, way to just casually announce everyone from Final Fantasy XII is gone.
Wait, what? I’m Alphinaud now?
Meanwhile, Wren’s just having a tea party and making fun of Alisaie. This is actually what happens.
Oh hey. This dungeon has Final Fantasy IV references. We’ve almost got them all! (Also, this party was amazing. I doubt they’ll ever see this. But, thanks for being so rad!)
Damn it. Final Fantasy XIV is an isekai, isn’t it?

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